Holly (formanymiles) wrote,

comatose chillin'

Snowed in since Friday -- I've finished a decent book and a terrible one, baked and consumed too many bagels, and worn pajamas and fuzzy socks almost exclusively.

I began waking up at 6:30 in the mornings about two years ago as kind of an anticipatory decompression measure. I am not, nor have I ever been, a morning person, but my boss and one of my two coworkers are. Before, I was rolling out of bed at 7:30, showering, and heading out. But as irritating as I find people in general, they are immeasurably worse when I have only been awake for 45 minutes and am already being asked how I feel.

So now I get up early. I have a shower. I make coffee in my fancy little moka pot, I have breakfast, I read the news or a book. I am a fully-functioning human by the time I arrive at my office at a quarter after 8. This system works so well for me that I tend to keep it up on the weekends as well, minus the office bit; I even did it at the beach this summer.

Something about the snow, though, reminded me of being a kid and sleeping in on a cancelled school day, even though I don't work on weekends anymore, so I disabled my regular alarm and woke up around 9am both yesterday and today and just kind of quietly existed. Removing the possibility of going anywhere or seeing anyone almost entirely dissipated my regular anxiety around feeling like I have to be going somewhere or seeing someone, and while I was washing dishes a few hours ago, I found myself thinking how nice it was, just to be alone, not to feel responsible for anything other than breathing. I might be more stressed out, on the average, than I realized. Maybe it's just recovery from the holidays, with the non-stop closeness of family and friends. I have been scolded so often for being introverted that I have a public mask - as everyone does - that is cheery, open, and friendly. But also apparently quite heavy.

I will be glad to see people again tomorrow, I guess, if the roads are clear. Another day off and I might go a bit stir crazy.
Tags: snow days
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